“Gott Mit Uns” (God Is With Us)
“Sieg Heil Kameraden! The road to a Judenfrei Fatherland has not been easy but because we have not faltered in our resolve, the cockroaches are now secured in our camps and are no longer a threat to our people, a truly glorious day for the Fatherland.
We owe this success to the brave and vigilant forces of the Schutzstaffel who have worked long and hard to gather each and every one of these cockroaches. Why, just this morning I was witness to their skill. A concerned citizen of ours spoke of suspicious noises coming from his neighbor’s house. After thanking him, the SS officer quickly went over and questioned the neighbor and instructed his men to perform a search of the premises. Their initial search bore no fruit. The officer however, felt that there was something amiss and questioned the owner again. The owner seemed quite anxious, his face and clothes dripping with sweat. Without warning, the officer pulled out his Luger and shot at the floorboards. A loud thud was heard followed by the incessant cries of a child. The SS quickly located the door to the secret basement and found a family of six cockroaches. The thud was the wondrous sound of the bullet doing its job. The mother cockroach knelt with tears streaming down her face onto the baby in her arms. Beside her downed husband,the younger brood sobbed over what was their father. The officer ordered chains on the door and gasoline poured on every nook and cranny of the house. He then pushed the owner into the house and unloaded a bullet into his head. Afterwards he lit the match and sent the devils homeward bound.
Initially we thought to purge this pestilence with firing squads and mass graves but such a method wastes too much ammunition and pollutes our Fatherland with their disgusting blood. At the Fuhrer’s request, our capable engineers have devised an efficient and very capable system of dealing with this dilemma. I saw it for myself in Belzec where the cockroaches were lined up in long queues in front of large stone building with a chimney. The lettering on the side of the building read “bathhouse”. I and the commander of the camp entered a viewing room of sorts looking into a large mostly empty room with pipes and what looked like shower heads. Then, large group of cockroaches which were mostly children was ushered into the room. They were all naked and very afraid, conscious no doubt that this was the punishment for all their evils. The camps had done their job well, the cockroaches were nothing but bones covered by skin. Shortly thereafter was the sound of gas leaking out and a fine mist filled the large room. The cockroaches’ eyes widened and then they struggled to breath, moving around rapidly, searching for air. Then there was chaos, banging on the doors and walls, scratching at the pipes and knobs, and vomiting. Others accepted their fate and bore the pain on their hands and knees; some continued the struggle for air, for life. The youngest of the children were first to go, and then the oldest of the group. One by one the cockroaches fell into the ground, eyes wide open and blank, lifeless. I shed a tear for the marvelousness of the idea, with this weapon by our side; it will not take much longer for the purge to be complete. When the gas had subsided soldiers in full protective gear went in with wheelbarrows and removed the lifeless corpses. They carried them to what the camp commander called “God’s Oven” where the bodies were burnt into ashes and scattered into the winds. Not a drop of blood touching the Fatherland’s soil.
The Oberkommando der Wehrmacht has decreed that only those cockroaches that are unable to render any kind of service, the very young, infirmed or the elderly, should be “processed” immediately. For the other cockroaches we will make sure that every second of their existence will be in service to our noble cause. From building railroads to tanks, from sewing uniforms to packing ammunition, these cockroaches will serve us well. Although it may be a great danger to entrust such important tasks to such evil beings but we are at war, and in war we must do everything that is necessary to protect our superior race. Do not worry my comrades; even as they work we will make sure that their trespasses against mankind will be rewarded tenfold. The cockroaches will know what it’s like to wish for death.
Have no fear comrades, for whether you are on the fields of battle or in the concentration camps exterminating cockroaches, you are doing God’s work. We are the hand of God, his chosen, here to hand out his judgments!
“Heil, Hitler!” replied the gathered crowd of generals and other officers from various posts across of the 3rd Reich followed by thunderous applause. The general felt content with the reaction and made for his quarters, shaking hands along the way. He didn’t notice the shadow tailing him.
Dinner was served about 30 minutes after the general had retired to his quarters. It was sumptuous feast showcasing the plentiful bounty of the Reich. Strangely enough the guest of honor was nowhere in sight. This did not alarm anyone as the general was exhausted from his ordeal. He was found the next day, hanging from a ceiling fixture with a gaping hole where his heart should be and a note on his right pocket. The note read:
“I have taken the general’s heart, for he seems to have no use of it.”